Yes, Kilroy was here!
So here’s my cheat guide on how to succumb to this society and have a life-expectancy of at least 40 years (if you are an acid-burn victim or know about the existence of the organ brain, die already), let’s start :
Don’t be fat, don’t be thin, hide your boobs, don’t you dare show your cleavage (Don’t you know that it’s not just a piece of your body, but your family treasure trove?), have ‘Indian morals’( *Winks ), don’t drink, don’t go to public places without a male, don’t smoke, keep your head covered and low, talk only when questioned by prospective in-laws whether you can cook or clean, don’t have an ambition, don’t wear revealing clothes (Because there’s Victoria’s secret under that no?), don’t talk to boys, don’t cut your hair short, don’t kiss, don’t have sex, don’t work late in the night, and you’re Satan himself if you ever forget that “Laaj aur Sharam Ladkiyon ke Gehne hote hain” (Being shy is a girls greatest treasure).
For more such information and guidelines I humbly request you to tune into ZEE-TV and gulp down any regular TV Show.
|This one’s from Star Plus although|
Funny how I should be the one writing a cheat guide when I have done all of it, not because I had to prove anything to anyone or make any point, because I thought that I was free to do whatever I want to. I told myself that I would be quite fine with being exactly who I was, I told myself that rather than talking about and being an example I could change someone, a single person at least.
Warning: These kind of thoughts are the ones which will end up having your legs broken by an upholder of our cultural integrity or have you publicly raped. (You’re also an anti-national if you ever speak against the norms per se.)
Well, at least I don’t have to worry about being raped. Apparently the girl needs to fit into a set of requirements in order to be raped. Listen carefully girls, you don’t want to be the only one left out because “Paros ki Aunty kya bolegi?” (What will your neighbour say?) – you need to look like Katrina Kaif, and have a “figure” like Scarlet Johansson. Yes and only then can you proudly qualify for the category of “Possible Rape Victims”. Recently I was told that I couldn’t even hope of being raped by a man because of being overweight, let me rephrase, for being ‘fat’.
This came from a person who has been my classmate, who “wishes well” for an ungrateful crook like me and suggested that I should rigorously lose my weight.
When I told this to my best friend, she was fuming, and she became angrier when she found out that I didn’t do anything else rather than having fits of laughter. (that can be pretty scary FYI).
I mean, the joke’s on you dude.